Oh shucks.. am I Gay?

By: Codename Miss Nicole Richie

Depending on the tone, the phrase above would have two meaning, one the affirmative one, accepting the years of confusion an attraction to the same sex as a freeing factor that have released you from the cage that you have been locked in and two the passive one, surprising even yourself that you are a homosexual, being scared and thinking of ways how to 'cure' the malady.

Theres a lot of sub-definition of being gay, but all the more its just points to one factor, you are attracted even just a bit 'sexually' to the same sex.

Some may have known it ever since they were little, some just find out during their teens and some carry the burden of not admitting it to their graves. A young boy wearing a hair pin, trying to put lipstick on wouldnt be scolded as much as a teen boy trying on a stilleto. Some people are blessed, during their child hood they established already that they would grow up having fairy like attitudes, their parents already have accepted the fact and did not change how they view their son, after all they are still came from their own blood. Sadly there are ones who are cast out, either by their family or by their friends. No one can really blame a gay guy from being scared of being out.

A 12 year old guy, wearing girl-shirts, wearing a head band maximo oliveroz type. He usually is the center of teasing, boys bullying him, girls hanging out with him because they feel comfortable and that he is funny to be with. Though he has been teased or bullied, he is still accepted, he is somewhat happy.

A 22 year old guy, wearing guyly guy clothes, acting in a guy manner, trying hard to be straight, he knows he is gay but he is scared of being rejected. He is usually teased by other people that he is gay (sometimes the gayness just shows right?) he had girlfriends, most didnt last a month because though he try to be sweet to the opposite sex, the 'love' factor just isnt there. He sees a guy he really likes, hes not sure if the guy would respond back to him so he just tries to compress his feelings and just become his 'bestfriend' after all the guy is straight and he isnt. Is he happy?

A 32 year old professional guy, in his formal attire, he is semi-open, some of his friends know he is gay, but his family doesn't, he had relationships, he had failed relationships also. He is trying to find someone who would be with him when he comes home from work, he goes on dating sites for homosexuals hoping to find the 'right' guy. He is open but scared, he doesnt know what would he be in the future, in a word he is undecided, he did decide which sexual preference he likes but he hasn't decided yet if he wants to move a step forward. He is already stable financially but is he emotionally?

42 year old beauty parlor owner, his family knows, his friends knows (most of his friends are gay.) Young guys rush to him when they are in need, he helps them, either with something in return or with out. He doesnt expect that things would be perfect, he doesnt even expect that someone would love him for who he is, he wears a wig because he is getting bald, he wears paddings to have breasts, he is thinking of having surgery to transform himself from being peter to petra. He isnt scared, he accepted every bit of fact. He is prepared, he has been ridiculed and have developed a shell which blocks away all the bad comments about him, in short he doesnt care what people thinks, he is HE, if he is a girl then he is a girl if he is a guy then he is a guy, no one can judge him because he is the only jury. I cant say if he is happy, but atleast he fully accepted himself.

A 52 year old father, he has a wife, deceased, he has 4 children, 3 of which are already married, one of which is graduating from medical school. He hates homosexuals, his youngest kid has a tendency of being gay, he scolds him, threatens him to cast him out and remove all his inheritance. He is so mad, why? Because he himself is gay, he believes that being gay is an illness, and it can be cured by trying to be a man, that it is a temptation that one can indulge in. when he was young he liked guys but tried to suppress everything. Now he sees that time have changed, that when before being gay is a sin, now being gay is a sexuality. Deep down he feels jealous.. though he does not regret having kids, he regrets not being able to experience life the way he have dreamed of. At the back of his mind he just wants to accept his son, but at the fron of his mind, no, his son should be like him, who overcame temptation by not being true to himself.

This is not to stereotype anyone, I am not even sure if this has a moral lesson to it, but these are some of the fictional situations that the writer have imagined, the universal question 'what if ?' what if I end up like this? what should I do? Should I just come out on the open now? Or hide it? Who should I come out to? Why should I come out in the first place? What attracts me? Who would be attracted to me? How should I act? Who would stay beside me? Would my friends leave me? Would my family reject me? Should I be rich to be happy with a guy? Does love exist in the gay world? Who am I? Oh shucks.. am I Gay?